sister, sister.

i cried watching an old episode of sister, sister today. you know, the old tia and tamara mowry show? lame, right? well, tyrone (i think was his name) was a high school drop out who is now a good mechanic, but he wanted more than anything to get his GED. he failed the pretest, but then worked really hard with the help of tia and tamara to study for the real test.

when he announced that he passed his test, i teared up. for real. the thing is, this isn't a one-time occurrence... i cry at parts of movies that don't even phase other people, but i never connected them before.

a dream realized is a beautiful thing.. something that one longs for so deeply, works so hard for, and then finally it becomes reality. to see that happen moves me so profoundly that i cry. crazy? maybe.

thus, the reason i cried during an episode of sister, sister :)

a real adventure.

"life is an adventure."
the title of this blog.

and yes, life definitely is an adventure. as i'm going into my last semester at moody, all i can think of is what will come afterward. moving back to green bay? finding work in chicago? teach for america? TESOL certification? grad school? i have so many choices, so many directions to go... and that's actually the problem.

unlike a "choose your own adventure" book, i have more than just two things to choose from, and the choices actually directly influence my real life, not just a story.

an adventure? yes. with turns and holes and barriers, with forks in the road.

jesus, guide me through, because i just can't find my way on my own. i don't know which way to go.

it's 90 degrees and humid. feels like a sauna out there!
it's a good thing i don't have to be outside much today. in fact, i'm packing up my life right now. time to move one more time... for my last semester of college! crazy..
so when i'm finished packing, it's time for a washington DC vacation, a week at home, and then coming back to the city to move my things back to moody.

as i look at my room, all packed up in boxes and bins again, i realize how much i just want to settle down. i want to have a home where i don't have to move every few months. i'm tired of packing up and moving around. i used to like it... but that time is long gone!

i've been applying for some "real" jobs, and it feels so strange. instead of just taking whatever part-time work i can find, i have to think about what is going to happen after i graduate. what kind of job can i keep on a full-time basis afterwards... what will give me experience in the future. it's a completely different kind of job search, and, to be honest, it's a little scary.

well, more packing needs to be done, and i don't have much time left. my family will be here in 2 hours to head east! i'm excited :) and not nearly ready...

the rest of the summer is only going to fly by, and i'm so excited for it!

i leave on july 30th for iron mountain for cassie's wedding.
then back to chicago for a week for day camp.
family vacation in DC for the week after that,
and THEN!
it's the last week of day camp!
that next weekend i move back to moody (jenkins... woohoo!)
and classes start that monday... my last semester :)

wow. and i still don't know where my life is headed. or what i'm going to do as of mid-december..
any suggestions? ha.

painfully colorful.

little did i know how real the lesson on perseverance would become this week. more real than last week, even.
funny how my instinct is to run back to my parents... then again, that's what i was taught throughout my childhood, to come running to tell my parents when anything at all was wrong. makes sense that i'm still doing the same thing.

i was ready to leave here this weekend and not turn back. and then realized that then i would always regret leaving. i would see pictures of those kids, their smiling faces, and feel as if i had abandoned them. i would allow myself to fail, and i couldn't live with myself after that. so here i stay..
four more weeks :)


in the meantime...
this afternoon i ran out the front door to make a stop at the store quick before dinner. it was raining and i was wearing flip flops, which made for a bad combination on old wooden steps. the second step and i had already wiped out and i slid down the rest of the stairs. ouch.

there were two older women across the street who saw the fall and watched to make sure i was okay, probably holding in their laughter the whole time. i'm sure it was a funny sight. even i laughed a little bit, as i lifted myself back up, only to wince in pain and take a breather for a minute on the bottom step.

this is the story behind my now painfully colorful backside. ha.

tomorrow is field trip day. we are going to a water park... where i will slide down things on my butt. a painful day, i'm sure it will be. ouch. :)

perseverance:
steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

i wonder if perseverance is a character trait or if it is a state of being. is there even a difference? if it's a "steady persistence" then it must become a part of who you are, a continual part of your person.

the last few years of my life have been ones of steady perseverance. so many times i've been ready to get in a plane, train, or car to just go home. i've been on the brink of quitting each thing when it gets hard. but then the wise words of my dad keep pushing me forward.

but then, i ask myself, where is home? where am i really supposed to be? and i learn, time and time again, that to go to green bay is not going home. yes, it's going to the place where i grew up, but my home is here. here in chicago where i live in a house and have a bedroom and sleep every night. a place where i have people over for dinner and for smoothies, for movies and game nights. the place where i live and i'm most comfortable. it's home.

these last four years have been ones of constant transitions. of change and moving every three to six months, new people around every corner, and incredible learning opportunities.

life changes so fast.
and it's only time for more and more changes.
more moving. more adjusting.
more... perseverance. because it's not going to get any easier.

six more weeks here and i'm moving again. man, the summer has flown by...

another summer. another incident.

it always seems that violence happens most during the summer. statistics say that it's true, and so does my experience.

last summer, a man was shot and killed a block away from where i lived in albany park. we heard the shots. we heard the sirens. we were walking down the street.

last summer, a man was shot twice in the butt right across the street from the park on the south side that i brought my CSM groups to volunteer during the day. we saw it happen. we saw the guys run.

so this summer, i'm living in logan square, just north of humboldt park. this neighborhood is supposedly far safer than the other two i was in last summer. but, well.. it's not.

a few nights ago, one of the guys downstairs, a friend of mine, was talking on the phone on the front steps at around midnight when a couple of guys walk out of the alley. one walks right up the steps toward matt and pulls a gun on him.

wow... i don't even know what i would do except panic. which is pretty much what matt did. he gave up his wallet and cell phone, while sara, another girl downstairs heard the commotion and came to the front window. the guy points the gun at her through the window and threatens her too.

they end up running off and getting caught several hours later on the other side of the city. but matt and sara? wow. frazzled, to say the least.

i can't even imagine what that would be like. or how i would ever be able to truly process it.

i already have flashbacks to my 2006 car accident, but to a gun being pointed at my face?? ack. i don't even know.

so i'm asking for prayers for matt and sara. they're having a tough time working through it, and still keeping their minds on their jobs with YouthWorks.

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on a much lighter note, we finally got our first paychecks. God provides, sometimes after he teaches us a valuable lesson about giving up control. hm...