"nothing in my hands i bring"

"This is the will of God, even your sanctification." - 1 Thessalonians 4:3

Yesterday's reading in My Utmost for His Highest shed light on this verse; and this verse shed light on some of my thoughts as of late.  Here's an excerpt from Chambers' devotional (October 20th):

It is not a question of whether God is willing to sanctify me; is it my will?... Beware of saying --Oh, I am longing to be sanctified.  You are not, stop longing and make it a matter of transaction --"Nothing in my hands I bring"... 

Never put the effect as the cause.  The effect in me is obedience and service and prayer, and is the outcome of speechless thanks and adoration for the marvellous sanctification wrought out in me because of the Atonement.

Let us stop wishing to be sanctified, and come before the Lord as we are:  broken, empty, and helpless.

Let us live in that speechless thanks and adoration to the Lord for taking us in our brokenness and making us whole.  For taking us in our emptiness and filling us up.  For taking us in my helplessness and picking us up.  Let this penetrate and direct our thoughts, decisions, and attitudes.

We have so much to be thankful for.

with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

This morning, I learned that in some Asian cultures, it is customary to put a finger on one's nose while speaking.  While I find this to be odd, and would probably be a bit thrown off in conversation if someone did this, I find it fascinating.

In these cultures, they believe that the soul is not in the heart, but in the head.  By touching their noses, it is a sign of sincerity, that they really mean what they are saying, similar to the way we put a hand over our heart when we say the pledge of allegiance (I'm only half kidding :)), when we refer to a heartbreaking memory, or something of the utmost importance.

The idea of the soul being in the head sheds some light on the idea of "in spirit and in truth."  Not only do we believe things deep in our souls based on emotions and feelings, but also on an assurance of knowledge.

In the book A Severe Mercy, VanAuken writes upon his conversion:

"I choose to believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost - in Christ, my lord and my God.  Christianity has the ring, the feel, of unique truth.  Of essential truth.  By it, life is made full instead of empty, meaningful instead of meaningless.  Cosmos becomes beautiful at the Centre, instead of chillingly ugly beneath the lovely pathos of spring.  But the emptiness, the meaninglessness, and the ugliness can only be seen, I think, when one has glimpsed the fullness, the meaning, and the beauty.  It is when heaven and hell have both been glimpsed that going back is impossible.  But to go on seemed impossible, also.  A glimpse is not a vision.  A choice was necessary: and there is no certainty.  One can only choose a side.  So I - I now choose my side:  I choose beauty;  I choose what I love.  But choosing to believe is believing.  It's all I can do:  choose.  I confess my doubts and ask my Lord Christ to enter my life.  I do not know God is, I do but say:  Be it unto me according to Thy will.  I do not affirm that I am without doubt, I do but ask for help, having chosen, to overcome it.  I do but say:  Lord, I believe -- help Thou mine unbelief."

Upon reading this several days ago, I realized that I need to do the same:  To choose to believe what I know to be true, instead of waiting for all of my doubts to be resolved.

To put this all together - sometimes we validate our beliefs by the feelings we have with the church body, the emotions that arise while worshiping.  While these emotions are not bad, they are not enough to constitute a real faith.  A real faith must come from the conscious decision to believe in what is True and Right and Good.

"Lord, I believe - help my unbelief"

social justice

A few months ago I went to a particular church solely because one of my best friends was getting baptized that Sunday.  While I was so thankful I was able to be there for her, it was hard to sit through the service.

Why?  Well, the pastor made some brash statements, broad generalizations, and unsupported claims that really frustrated me.  One of them went something like this:

"A church should never worry about social justice issues.  If it does, it is misusing its time and resources."

Well, Pastor... I beg to differ.  I understand that the gospel should be central in all that the Church does, but that does not eliminate the need to engage in advocacy for social justice issues.  Jesus called us to care for orphans and widows, is that not social justice?  In Isaiah, God said that he would allow the Chaldeans to overcome His people, because they weren't taking care of their poor as they should.  So many times, God shows us the importance of loving His people.  If we sit idly by and watch these people go hungry, sleep on the streets, be extorted and then mocked, then we are not loving people as we should.

The heart of social justice advocacy IS the Gospel; the Gospel must not be lost in it all.  But the Church should be at the forefront, because God commanded us to "Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8).

All this to say that we constantly need to evaluate what a pastor says - even if it is a pastor who you admire and love and follow.  Take everything and think through it yourself, compare it with Scripture, and use your God-given wisdom to know Truth.

getting it right.

I picked up my Bible today and decided to continue my "Participants Guide" to Tim Keller's book Gospel Christianity.  While I haven't read the book and don't own the book, this Participants Guide is an eye-opening reminder of who God is and who I am in relation to Him.

I came across this quote:

We all automatically gravitate toward the assumption that we are justified by our level of sanctification, and when this posture is adopted, it inevitably focuses our attention not on Christ but on the adequacy of our own obedience.  We start each day with our personal security not resting on the accepting love of God and the sacrifice of Christ but on our present feelings or recent achievements in the Christian's life.  Since these arguments will not quiet the human conscience, we are inevitably moved either to discouragement and apathy or to a self-righteousness [some form of idolatry] which falsifies the record to achieve a sense of peace...
--from Richard Lovelace's Dynamics of Spiritual Life

I have studied Scripture, I understand a good bit of theology and have read the works of a number of biblical scholars.  While in high school, I leaned toward the side of self-righteousness.  When I left Green Bay, my eyes were opened to the sin I engaged (though at the time, I wouldn't have called it idolatry).  Over the last five years, the pendulum has made a full swing to the side of discouragement and apathy.  Why?  Because I realize just how futile my actions are, how unworthy I am, and how little this biblical knowledge is worth in the grand scheme of things.

In that discouragement, however, I decided not to go to the Saviour, not to fall at the Master's feet, but to choose a new career path.  Being a teacher and helping to bridge the Achievement Gap would surely bring new meaning to my life.  I had a new motivation to do good and help those who are unfairly treated in the educational system on the basis of their socioeconomic status.  Jesus cared about the marginalized, and so should I... right?

And this became my idol as I pursued a Masters of Education.  In this pursuit, I came to see, yet again, that my motivations were impure - I was not in it to glorify God, but to do what I thought was right and good and to improve the world as we know it.  Sigh.  Will I ever get this right?

So here I sit.  Without a Masters degree in sight.  Without a career to pursue.  No big plans to look forward to.  With nothing but a need and desire to know my Lord better, and all the time in the world to pursue it.  I need this time, and God knew it.  All of this doubt and indecision came from Him, but I must not let apathy come to rule again.  It has come and held its power, but now is the time for me to lose that idol of doubt and embrace the life of faith that God has secured in Jesus Christ.



Lord forgive us when we get consumed by the things of this world,
That fight for our love, and our passion,
As our eyes are open wide and on you.
Grant us the privilege of your world view,
And may your kingdom be, what wakes us up, and lays us down.

--From Toby Mac's "Lose My Soul"

decay of the soul

Over the last few years, I have gotten hooked on a few tv shows.  Some of them witty, some full of drama, and some very realistic... there are a few that I hesitate to admit that I watch.

I talked with my "boss" this week a lot about television and the progression of entertainment throughout the centuries.  Civilians and royalty alike used to crowd into amphitheaters to watch lions tear apart and devour criminals (or, God forbid, the innocent).  They would grunt, cheer, and applaud when two men would fight to the death.  It was absolutely barbaric.

Fast forward hundreds years and turn on a television.  Today's shows may not focus on that same kind of physical violence, but surely it is the same theme.  Instead of watching people's bodies be devoured, we watch their minds and their souls decaying, being eaten away, by the drama, the sex, the drugs, the lies, and the worldliness.  Yet our minds are hooked and we are entertained.

This kind of barbarism is perfectly acceptable in today's society, but should it be okay?  As a Christian, I should be guarding my eyes and my mind from these things, the very things for which Christ died.  I know that sounds a little cliche (and we all know how much I hate cliches...), but it reigns true.  Why do I choose to watch something that I know will pollute my mind?  Why do I put these inappropriate jokes in my vocabulary ("That's what she said," anyone?)?

While I am not ready (nor do I think it necessary) to give up tv completely, the thought of watching other people's souls decay is not appetizing.  Reconsider the shows that you watch, the themes in those shows - what is the message they communicate?  Is it something wholesome, godly, and true?  If not, give a second thought to your motive for watching it.

I will be struggling through the same thing over the coming weeks.  Wish me well...

could be

The struggle to find your niche is not only a middle school I'm-figuring-out-my-identity issue.  No, in fact, it begins as early as kindergarten, potentially even sooner.

Little Katherine started kindergarten on Monday.  While many of the other children had attended the 3- and 4-year-old preschool, Katherine did not, because the family values free play and home education during those years.  As she begins her journey through this small Catholic school, she finds herself surrounded by people who are already friends, children who have found their niche at this particular school.

As I think about her struggle to find friends, it reminds me of my own struggle to find my niche.  I'm not entirely sure where I belong.  Am I really a big city girl?  Or am I better suited for the small-town feel of a city like Green Bay?  Should I really be in grad school?  Who do I want to be in three years and how do I get there?

This fight to find my identity begins and ends in Christ.  At least it should.  I know that I am a child of God.  I bear the responsibility of living well and doing everything for the glory of God.  I bear the privilege of knowing my creator and seeking Him in all things.  I know that I am redeemed and that whatever I do that is true and right and noble will, indeed, glorify God.  Right now, what I do, caring for these three beautiful girls, glorifies God.  But I have to wonder, where is the next step?  How long is it okay for me to be indecisive.  It has been only a few days since making the decision to postpone graduate school (and potentially drop out... sigh.) and I'm already restless for answers.

So here I sit with the future staring me in the face.  Last November I decided to run for it, full force, without knowing quite where I was going, but full-force nonetheless.  This resulted in my application for a Masters of Education program where I decided I would teach.  I just... decided.  Did I think through it?  Perhaps, but certainly not fully.  If I had, I would have seen how entirely spontaneous (and wrong) the decision was.  Instead, I had to get eight months into the program, completely stressed out and ready for combustion, before I realized my mistake.  I don't know that I really want to teach, at least not secondary English, as I had thought.

So here I begin again my quest for "the next thing."  I feel a responsibility to make decisions quickly so that I don't have long periods of uncertainty.  This time, however, will be different.  I have already decided to take a period of rest, a time to de-stress, to process my time at college, to think through things, to do what I enjoy.

There's another thing - What do I really enjoy?  Besides work, homework, classes, and talking with friends, I haven't had a spare moment for a hobby.  What used to be my hobbies may no longer be what I love, but then what DO I love?  Or, better yet, what could I love?  What are those things that I have never tried, but have always wanted to?  I've thought about taking guitar lessons or a photography class. Perhaps a painting class or even dance lessons.  The options bring me the joy of possibility - the could be's of life.

Let this year be one that turns the could be's into reality.

impress me deeply

"Impress me deeply with a sense of thine
omnipresence, that thou art about my path,
my ways, my lying down, my end."

I recently purchased The Valley of Vision - a Puritan prayer book.  I am especially excited about this book, because it is full of profound prayers that were written centuries ago, yet are still relevant.  I read and pray these words when I have none of my own..

live in the light - listen to the Spirit

"If you are walking in the light, there is no harking back, the past is transfused into the present wonder of communion with God.  If you get out of the light you become a sentimental Christian and live on memories, your testimony has a hard, metallic note.  Beware of trying to patch up a present refusal to walk in the light by recalling past experiences when you did walk in the light.  Whenever the Spirit checks, call a halt and get the thing right, or you will go on grieving Him without knowing it."

My Utmost for His Highest - August 13
Oswald Chambers

How often do I ignore the voice of God or mistake it for something else?  How often do I pretend like I don't hear, simply because I don't want to do what He says?  It is a result of this ignorance that I no longer am aware of God's voice.  I have chosen to ignore it, so it has gotten quieter and easier to ignore.  Yikes.

"Sanctification is not my idea of what I want God to do for me; sanctification is God's idea of what He wants to do for me, and He has to get me into the attitude of mind and spirit where at any cost I will let Him sanctify me wholly." (August 14)

Somehow we think that sanctification is a beautiful thing (it is, but not in the way we want).  We think that it's easy to look at, easy to experience, because it all happens inside our mind.  Sanctification is merely a thought process, right?  Turning our mind continually to God?  Nope.  That would be too easy.

Instead, sanctification comes through doing those hard things that God tells us to do (at least until we choose to ignore His voice).  It comes through trial, through hardships, through stumbling and falling - those painful things we try to avoid are the very things that will make us grow, that will teach us to be more like Christ.

It takes a real shake, rattle, and roll to get me to take things seriously.  It takes a harsh reprimand, a strong reminder, to bring me to repentance, to make change.  If only that gentle whisper were enough, things would be much easier - but I would forget it more easily.

Listen to the Spirit - Live in the Light.