"dream great dreams and find the courage to live them"

-erwin mcmanus

Sunday, March 30, 2014

the soundtrack of our lives.

More often than not, the radio is turned off in my car.
A year ago, this certainly would not have been the case.  Ten years ago, I would have been upset if I even had to turn it down from the ear-drum shaking level at which I preferred it.

Sometimes now I just feel too full, too loud, too anxious to even have it on quietly.
My thoughts certainly need more space than music allows sometimes.

I've heard it said that the music we listen to is the soundtrack of our lives.

What we choose to listen to shows the pace and activity of our lives.

And I desire for my life to be paced well.  To be slow and steady and peaceful.  So my choice of music, when I do choose to listen to it, generally consists of acoustic folk music and quiet indie folk.  The music allows my mind the space to think, provides the backdrop for real processing, and slows me down enough to really see what I see and to more fully experience what I experience.

Sometimes isn't that what we need, deep down?  Just enough slowing down that we really enjoy the things we experience.

So I choose a soundtrack for my life that exemplifies the kind of life I desire to live: intentional, peaceful, simple, quiet, communal.

What is the soundtrack of your life?

Thursday, March 20, 2014

It's all interwoven.

When I'm at work, my mind is completely focused on my job.
When I am at school, my mind is entirely committed to the things I am learning.
When I am with Jeremy, my mind and heart remain focused on only him and our relationship.

Sounds nice, right?

Each part of my life only affects that one part of my life.
Ideally, anyways.

About a month ago, I was forcefully confronted by the fact that life cannot possibly remain compartmentalized.  That what happens at work, affects school, affects Jeremy, affects... everything.

Because our lives are messy.
And it is not our job to clean them up.

As much as my perfectionistic, logical, type-A tendencies would like to convince me otherwise, it's okay for my life to be messy.  It's okay, and even, dare I say... good for it to stay that way.  I would love for the stories I hear at work to have no effect on my relationships.  But they do.  I have new awareness, even fears, that have developed because of the incredible brokenness of women who have experienced certain things.  I would love for what I learn in my classes to stay in the realm of counseling and theology and stay there as a skill set, rather than as a pervasive mindset shift that is inextricably linked to every area of my life.

But maybe God wants our lives to be messy.  Perhaps there's beauty in the scattered, in the integrated, in the diverse.

The relationships I had in college still affect me today.  The things I learned in high school still apply to me today.  The way I learned to "parent" at Shelterwood still influences the way I set boundaries and interact with people today.  And that's okay.

God certainly designed us to pursue him in all that we do.  Everything.  Not just in the time allotted for church and small group.  Not only in seminary classes.  But in our time at the gym, our sit-down at the dinner table, our friendships, and our shopping.  And in our every day trips to the grocery store.

I am reminded of the Old Testament Jewish law, where God commanded the people of Israel not to harvest all of their crops, but to leave the edges for the orphans and the widows.  God's heart is to provide for his creation, and mind should reflect that.  So at the grocery store.  Purposefully choose the food items that have a portion of the proceeds donated to an organization.  Put some quality food in the donation bin, not just the cheapest box of generic mac and cheese you can find.

I am reminded that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and we should take care of them.  So instead of buying chips and ice cream, I buy fresh produce and whole grain bread - something my body actually knows how to use and to process.

Every part of our lives is integrated, even as we walk day to day with a Christian worldview.
As we pursue what is important to the Lord.
Even as we walk through the aisles of the grocery store.