"why do you expect to see me when you've turned your face from me?"

i went to grand rapids yesterday to see a play that was written and directed by anna, a friend of mine from moody.  the play was called "crooked line" and portrayed the life of solomon in a way that made it nearly literally come to life.  solomon began his kingship so close to the Lord.  in fact, God appeared to solomon in dreams on two occasions early on in his life, first granting him wisdom, second warning him to stay faithful to the Lord.

solomon went along his merry way, doing whatever pleased him, yet speaking the wisest words any man had uttered.

it doesn't take long to get wrapped up in the common verbiage of popular christianity.  the subculture can become so pervasive in one's life that we forget that we are not actually following God at all.  instead we are merely a church of people who have fun and meet once each week to gossip and call it a prayer meeting.  in a similar way as solomon, we know all the right things to say, but when it comes to following God with our lives and our thoughts, we do what we please.

"why do you expect to see me when you've turned your face from me?"

sometimes i beg to see God's face.  for God to make himself undeniably real to me.  and this phrase from the play resonates perfectly: "why do you expect to see me when you've turned your face from me?"  why do i?

my thoughts have delved so far into my doubts that i hardly know what faith is anymore (though i would be able to describe it eloquently to anyone who asks...).  i've turned my face from God and yet expect him to show himself to me...

Lord, let me turn my face back to you.  i know i need to.