hope.

There is a certain energy that comes from an excited crowd of people.  When a group of individuals comes together for a common purpose, whether it be a hobby or a cause, a common interest or to support an organization, passion stirs.

I recently went to a very large women's conference.  Women from across the country gathered and broke racial barriers, broke socio-economic barriers, and worshiped God together.  Somehow when that many women were gathered, all hungry for the Lord, it created an excitement that was contagious.  I couldn't help but jump and shout in worship, because the goodness of God became so radically apparent in the beauty of His creation by which I was surrounded.

On a seemingly (but not really... you'll see) unrelated note, I am a hopeless optimist.  I like to think the best of people, and find the spot of sunshine in even the most frustrating of situations.  I used to sing quietly into my little sister's ear when she was grumpy, "Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.  Take off that gloomy mask of tragedy, it's not your style.  You'll look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile.."  It was so ridiculously happy that she couldn't help but grin and subsequently develop a more positive outlook on whatever the situation was.

One of the residents I work with mocks me for my "Well, at least it's warm, even though it's raining!" glass-half-full comments.  A girl I work with tells me that I need to stop and be more realistic, because everyone doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt.  She pretty consistently counters my positive with a cynical negative.  So I began to reevaluate this outlook that I've come to hold, and even try to find negative in situations.  It was unnatural and seemed to only bring the other person down.  So I stopped.  I remember a time when my unwavering belief in the goodness of people led me to be used and manipulated by someone who I cared for deeply.  While the way that I care has most certainly changed as a result, my belief in a person's best intentions remains.

A message at this conference specifically validated my instincts.  Hope must be the anchor of the soul.  No matter how much we waver, we should be inseparably linked to the Lord of hope - a God of second chances.  A God whose precise purpose in sending His Son was for our redemption, our made right-ness.  Why not look at the positive, see the possibility for redemption in the brokenness of our shattered lives?  Our God sees the perfection of His son in the place of our wicked and sinful hearts that long for everything but the one thing that redeems us.

I choose to see the should be and the could be, and figure out how to make it possible.  It makes for a much more hopeful existence than the melancholy sights of an Eeyore.  And in the spirit of children's literature, I'll leave you with a suitable quote from a childhood classic:

"Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning," he said. "Which I doubt," said he.
"Why, what's the matter?"
"Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it."
"Can't all what?" said Pooh, rubbing his nose.
"Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush."

 

fleet foxes - a fall favorite.

The cooling weather, the rain, the calming.. fall is certainly on its way!

Last week I made pumpkin bread.  Yesterday I got a butternut squash and a white acorn squash - I'm excited to pair the experience of autumn with its flavors.  Mm.. A cup of chai tea sounds so good with all of these fall spices and warmth!

This song has become an early fall favorite.  Enjoy :)

academia. and sexual health and healing.

Last week I had a campus visit at Covenant Seminary here in Saint Louis.  I had been considering entering their counseling program, so wanted to get a good overview of the campus and their classes before making a decision to continue the application process.

Stepping into a class called God and His Word followed by Introduction to Counseling, my mind lit up with excitement.  It has been nearly two years since I delved so deeply into the realm of ideas, of theory and academia in general.  I've missed it.  The professor explained the importance of the particulars in regard to the universal, and how we cannot possibly understand the universal apart from our experience of it.  It reminded me of Dr. Rim's philosophy course at Moody, but somehow this time I understood it on an idea level and then was able to bring to a practical, applicable level.  I guess what we learned in college is more valuable than it seemed.

That day at Covenant brought me to step back from the world of crisis management and deescalation, the very practical, tactical side of things.  Instead, I could look at the realm of ideas, the theories that explain our everyday experiences.  The conversations came from this depth as well - a kind of conversation that I haven't engaged with in a long time.  It differs from the normal, which is based so much on people and events, storytelling really, instead delving into the why.  It was incredibly refreshing.

This is one reason why I so desperately want to return to the academic world.
-----

On a completely different note, my church began a new ongoing focus:  Sexual Health and Healing.  A topic rarely approached in the church in a non-condemning way, sex is one of the most widespread and profound ways in which Satan brings us to destruction.  It pervades our media, our humor, and can then so easily consume the body and mind.

Sexual immorality is a term so often used by preachers with a tone of judgment, but what is it really?  Anything that corrupts the picture of the perfect union of a married man and woman.  Anything.  In 1 Thessalonians 4, there is a concerned and protective warning about sexual immorality.  It's as if God is saying "I desperately want you to be with me and safe.  If you run in front of the car you will get hurt - I don't want that for you, daughter.  I love you enough to warn you that the temptation, the draw, is not worth it and it will separate you from me."

From a loving, gracious Father, he wants us to be in unbroken communion with him.  We cannot possibly have that if we at all indulge the images and ideas that defile his creation.  This is one of the reasons why God gave us the Holy Spirit - He helps us to look to holiness and hold God in a higher regard than we do our own pleasure.  The body and mind only do what the heart tells them to, so condition your heart.  Press into the Lord.

While all of that came only from the sermon this week, I find it interesting that the focus will continue.  This church sees the issue as one that can pervasively make or break a person, and therefore make or break the body of believers.  So many have either chosen sexual immorality or it has been forced upon them, that it will take a significant journey of healing to bring each and every one to wholeness again.  But that's the God we serve - He is able, there is healing, and there is nothing too big or too bad for my God.  The pastor is unafraid to speak boldly against something that he sees as the most destructive issue that remains untouched in most church circles, and to speak powerfully the restorative power of a God who raises people out of pits of destruction and despair.

I see a picture of a great spiritual revival  stirring up in this church, and it is so exciting to envision what God will do with a group of hundreds of people who live unashamed - healed and whole, on fire for the Lord!

joy moments.

As I recently worked my way through the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, my mentality began to shift.  She talked about enjoying moments.

Over the course of a year, she made a list of one thousand things that she experienced that she saw as blessings, as gifts, as graces from the Lord.  She writes about how seeing those "grace moments" brought her to a place of thanksgiving - of remembrance of all the things God does, the things he brings us through and all of the little things he gives to us to bring us joy, if only we notice them.

I, too, have begun a list.  It is far from complete, but it has changed me.

This week has been full of those grace moments.  A trip to Kansas City brought many of them, as I was able to see so many people who I dearly love.  The face of a girl who experiences freedom for the first time.  The arm of a girl once covered with scabs, now healed.  A childlike excitement where there used to be apathy.  The face of a baby, looking so much like the parents and so full of innocence.  Returning to a place where I had grown roots, sitting in remembrance of the time spent.  Coming back to Saint Louis and going to Trader Joe's, my favorite, where I haven't visited in months.  Buying the dried mango I so enjoy.  Drinking a latte with someone who had never drank a proper one before.  Engaging conversation, discovery.  Live music that wouldn't be right if it wasn't a little off-pitch.

These things exist in our everyday, too.  In the mundane we can see them if we are thankful to God for the small moments that pique our attention, draw our eyes and our ears.  Let us pray that our eyes will be sensitive to these things, so we can forever be in a mindset of thankfulness for the joy moments.

vikings no more.

In the spirit of celebrating newness, wherever God reveals it..

I felt inspired to change the background and color scheme of this blog.  Someday I may change the title - I think I stopped liking it only weeks after I started writing it.  Anyway, you are all now free from the Vikings colors glaring at you every time you click on my blog (I know that's what you all thought about when you saw the purple and yellow together!  Well, at least all the Packer fans :)).

Easter.

Tonight at church we celebrated Easter.

Yes, I realize it's August, months after Easter happens on the calendar.  But that's exactly why we celebrated it.  Easter cannot be a day on a calendar.  It cannot just be the day that we have a big family meal and dress in pastels while running around the yard searching for sugar-filled pieces of egg-shaped plastic.  No, it must be more.

Luke 24 talks of the women who came to bring spices to the once-sealed tomb finding it open and empty.  It speaks of the men in dazzling apparel - breathtaking, I'm sure.  They tell the women that Jesus rose, like he said he would.  And, don't miss this, they remembered his words.  They remembered the words of their risen Savior and immediately went out and shared their excitement.  This remembrance brought thankfulness, their thankfulness added to their faith, and then they had joy and they worshiped.

Remembrance brings us to worship.

Not only on Easter Sunday - but Easter every day.  Walter Brueggemann in one of his prayer books asks the Lord to "Easter us with your newness."  And he will.  The empty tomb made a place of death into one of new life.  Let us never forget.

We all took communion, and in the breaking of the soft loaves, we remembered.

We should always remember.

blessings. possibilities.

Starting a life in a new place is challenging.  It means developing new routines, discovering new places, learning the roads, and most challenging of all... meeting new people.

I have spent the last six weeks figuring out where things are, moving and then moving again, unpacking, settling.  Decorating comes next, and I am in awe of God's provision.  Pieces of furniture come from all different directions for free and for blessing.  Fabric for curtains comes in sheets with beautiful patterns, and is used in abundance.  People from other areas of my life showing up in random places, reentering.  Blessings.

Matthias' Lot is the name of the church I started attending.  It meets on Wednesday nights instead .  Soon, I will be able to be more involved there, as I was able to meet some of the leadership last week.  I am grateful to know people there.

I occasionally get to go into the city to volunteer at different neighborhood events for my job.  Sure, my role is more supervising and facilitating the volunteer work of our residents, but it is ministry just the same.  Seeing, and partnering with, the work of urban ministries and churches in this city, serving thousands of people things important to their future daily lives - it serves as a great reminder that my work in the city is not over simply because I no longer live in an urban area.  I can still spread God's heart for the city no matter where I am, and I can still serve.

These adjustments make things different.  While I realize that living in a new place and doing a new job will inevitably change the way you do life, I am still astounded by its reality.  There is a stark difference between the ways I have lived in the past and the way that I can live now - a new sense of freedom with my time and energy compels me to use my time well.  To spend it maintaining relationships far away, building new relationships here, learning new things, taking some graduate-level courses, reading the stack of must-reads that have laid untouched on my bookshelf for years, cooking new things, starting (and finishing) projects (thank you Pinterest!), and a never-ending list of others.

To end, I just want to share a verse that I've been dwelling on:

I'm asking God for one thing,
only one thing;
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I'll contemplate his beauty;
I'll study at his feet

That's the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world.
Psalm 37:4-5