possibilities.

I see now how quickly I changed my mind back and forth between grad school and a break.  A pendulum swing every day, losing momentum, ending in the middle, entirely undecided.

I spent the weekend with four dear friends who all happen to be elementary teachers.  Much of our conversation revolved around children, classrooms, books, discipline, ADD, and swapping classroom ideas.  These things should have made me more excited about teaching, soaking in so much information from those who are more experienced that I am.  Instead, I got bored with it.  I listened, waiting for the topic to change to something I could relate to better.  I tried to get myself excited by writing down the names of authors and websites and other resources to use in my potential future classroom.  To no avail.

This, among other things, has me completely and entirely convinced that I need to take time off from this Masters of Education program.  Time off that could lead to completely dropping out.  The term "dropping out" scares me.  I hear that phrase and think: "failure" "aimless" "indecisive" and a plethora of other negative things, yet I know it is what I need to do.

What makes these decisions so difficult to make?  Why do I fight what I know is right?

This weekend I talked with a new friend, Steph, about her job.  This girl went to Northwestern with me, became friends with my friends after I transferred out, and I've heard about her constantly ever since.  Finally at Audrey's wedding this weekend, we met (for real) and talked.  She works at an organization that very nearly matches the kind of work I used to dream of doing.  While I pushed this dream aside because it seemed impossible, here is the reality:  These organizations DO exist, I just need to find them. And work for them.

I realize now that there is much I can do with the degree I already have.  I do not, in fact, need a Masters to pursue a job, because I am qualified to do many things, and capable of learning to do so much more.  So here I embark on this job-searching journey.

Do you know of any salaried openings, doing anything from office work to family assistance to... anything) at organizations for "troubled youth" that do not require a counseling license?  I'm all ears :)