But this time, well, it's something different. For the past few months, I have found myself profoundly emotionally influenced by music. When I hear a piece of music sung beautifully or pieced together well, regardless its lyrical content, I have to push back the tears. This kind of beauty pricks a part of my heart that I didn't know was so sensitive, but I just can't help it.
I ran into an old friend a few months ago. A music major, she talked about the difficulties of developing as a musician. She said that it has been very hard to grow, because she has to work through so many things to improve her performance. For example, why is she so afraid to play in front of the jury at the end of the semester? It runs deeper than just nervousness, as it begs the question, "why do I care so much what others think of me?"
One's musical development is inextricably linked to one's spiritual development.
Perhaps I have come to recognize aesthetic qualities in the music that I had previously overlooked, causing a new appreciation. Perhaps I am just in an emotional transition, which makes everything more personal. Perhaps it is the wonder of God's creation coming together to combine talents and abilities to make sounds that so please Him that on His behalf, even His followers cannot contain themselves.
Perhaps.
But what I do know is that I nearly cried at Daniel's Honors Band concert on Tuesday. I nearly cried (several times) at his show choir competition on Saturday. I even nearly cried during Kristen's 7/8th grade String Fling concert on Thursday. And, I'm a little ashamed of this one, during the American Idol Hollywood Week performances.
Ay yi yi.
This could mean that I am just becoming more aware of God's goodness in the aesthetic.
Or I'm just emotional.
Maybe just a combination.
Hopefully I'm not just emotional.
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