attention.

We all want to be noticed.  Some for good things, some for bad.  We sometimes do things specifically, but occasionally subconsciously, to be noticed.

Tonight I was (and still am) stressed.  Frustrated and disappointed about so many things, I couldn't handle being in the car with five girls who want to listen to country music at full volume.  (Side note:  what happened to good music and why in tarnation do all these girls listen only to country?  How do they think they're going to have any hearing left when they're old if they blow out their eardrums when they're 17? And why oh why do they choose country, of all genres?  Oi.  So many things wrong with this picture.)

I found myself on the brink of tears (okay, a few came out..) the entire ride back to Shelterwood from our movie night.  When we got back I dropped everyone off, then went to the lower lot to park the car.  I let the tears roll as I walked back in the darkness, so when I arrived at the house I wanted (even expected) someone, anyone to ask me what was wrong, to see that I had been crying, to comfort me.  When it didn't happen, I started to evaluate the whys.  Why I felt the way I did in the first place, why I wanted what I wanted, and why I was disappointed when I didn't get it.

We crave attention.  We want people to know things about us, to understand us, without us telling them.
Let me take responsibility for my part in this, because I write collectively like this far too often:
I crave attention.  I want people to know things about me, to understand me, without me telling them.

Sure, everyone shows this in different ways, as everyone desires to be noticed through different means and for different things, and perhaps my part in this is far more subtle and far less detrimental to my mental state than others.

Some make big scenes when little things go wrong.
Some follow you around telling you story and story, pining for approval and affirmation.
Some make problems for themselves; they create drama or harm themselves.
Some just wait to be sought out, feeling alone and rejected when it doesn't happen.

All seek the same thing:  attention; to be noticed.
I think the sad thing isn't that we seek attention, at least not on its own, but it's the reason why.  This world does not revolve around any one person.  Sure, each of us is kind of trapped in our own little minds and small, but ever-expanding, worlds.  However, that does not give allowance for one to expect everyone else to fawn over them.  It does not mean that the actual world revolves around them, instead it means that we have to work harder to help each one to look outside of himself to see the bigger picture.

Our affirmation cannot possibly come from man.  We constantly strive for what can never satisfy us.  The only way we can be fulfilled is to be in Christ.  Christ in me, me in Christ, Christ in God.  I am secure.  I am loved.  I am unconditionally accepted and affirmed.  I am created in God's image.  I have nothing left to desire but to know God more.

So the next time you feel unnoticed or unappreciated, remember the One who created you.  Remember that you are more than how you are perceived.  Remember that creating attention for yourself only temporarily fills what Christ alone can satisfy.  Seek the Lord with everything you have.  Let every moment be for His glory, not your own.