finding meaning.

Trauma happens.
Emotional strain happens.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes it's necessary.
Sometimes it really is for the best.

Always these things are hard.
Always.

Knowing that it happens doesn't make it any easier to deal with.   Minimizing our experiences does ourselves and our memory an injustice.

But then what does it look like to process well?  To remember rightly my own actions and those of the other?

Remembering involves more than just me and my thoughts, but it means giving justice to the other.  It means finding clarity.

I fight to find meaning in every situation.  Even the situations that are hardest.

Maybe that's why it has been so hard to process this particular incident.  Perhaps I'm trying to find profundity in a situation that has none; some meaning in a circumstance that was merely chaos.  Perhaps.
Or perhaps I need to keep fighting to process well.  To not push it aside, but to pray for clarity and understanding amidst the overwhelming thoughts.

There is a bigger picture, with or without immediate understanding.