control.

Several months ago, nights like this would have left me crying.
Now?  Nothing.

It isn't a lack of emotion; no, I've certainly maintained the depth to which things affect me when they are important.  Instead, it stems from an inner strength, I think.

When people are upset, they say things they don't mean.  When they are angry, they treat others in a way that denigrates the other and dishonors themselves.  Words can cut deep if you let them.

I've found that when the girls are upset with me, it's because I've somehow taken control away from them.  Like asking them to come inside for various reasons.  Suddenly they don't have control over where they can be, and it makes them uncomfortable.  Or if I ask them to actually do their homework during study hall, they no longer have the option of talking to their roommates or sitting in the living room, instead having to do the one thing I asked them to do.

These seemingly simple requests mean a whole lot more to people who have just had to leave everything and everyone they know.  There's not a whole lot they can control anymore, so they cling to the small pieces that they have left.

But we all do that, don't we?  When the chaos of this place makes me crazy, I cling a little bit more to the power I do have over the schedule, over privileges, over.. small things.  It helps me to cope with things.

Maybe in the small things it's okay, but to try to have control over our entire lives means absconding with the very sovereignty God has over it all.  He is the one who knows everything; He is the one who controls everything; He is the one who loves over everything and has each moment of our lives worked out according to His purpose.  Let us walk in a manner worth of the calling we have received and we will desire to serve the Lord in those little moments where all we long for is control.  Let us learn to trust you, Lord.