katelyn came to visit this weekend. it was great to have an old friend come, because i don't have to explain myself. she knows me, she knows my family, and it's just... comfortable. we painted pottery, ate berry chill, watched moody guys make fools of themselves on stage, went to church, went shopping, and ate amazing specialty cupcakes. overall, a good weekend :)
i still hold deep resentment toward the church i grew up at. at the mention of the pastor, i cringe. at the thought of what i became as a result of attending there, i am thankful that i left the church and changed by the grace of God. i'm not resentful of the members of the church, only of the pastor and how things ended. things were said that should never ever in any circumstance be said to a brother or sister in Christ (or anyone at all, for that matter).
i guess i just didn't realize how deeply my resentment ran until teresa, katelyn, and i started talking about the church (which their families still attend) on saturday night. i was really hurt by the church and it still influences the way that i see churches and the way that i chose which church to go to.
something in me just won't let it go. i know that humans are humans, and pastors mess up too. but sometimes things hit too hard to just let go.
are we supposed to forgive even if the other person is not repentant of what they've done? are they even aware of the hurt they've caused? pastors are held to a higher standard, are they not? so many questions. so many wounds. so hard to process.
in time...
1 comment:
i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. figuring out life and how to handle betrayals in areas of your life that you value most and hold most dear are some of the most difficult things in life to do. continue pursuing growth, redemption and forgiveness... God sees your heart and is molding you to be more like Him. love ya.
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