my life is over.

Is this what seasonal depression feels like?  All I want to do is sleep and watch tv, and I feel awful for only wanting that.  I don't want to be with people, but I want to be with people.  I want to cook but I don't want to cook.  And... oh goodness gracious, I'm going crazy.

All I think of is the next few months and the transition that may happen.  If nothing else, I will simply live out of a bag on the street.  Probably smell like urine and mildew.  And fail miserably at life.  Or maybe just move into another friend's place in Chicago and continue nannying; yet even this transition is not one that I want.  I've applied for so many jobs over the last few days that I don't even know what kind of job I actually want anymore.  Probably none at all, because living on the street sounds ever-appealing and it hardly involves decision-making.  I have applied for jobs in Chicago; jobs in Green Bay; jobs everywhere.  Jobs with non-profits, with dental offices, with youth centers.  Sigh.  What will the next phase look like?  I just want to seeeeeee!

Instead, I wait.  And watch tv.  And sleep.  And occasionally talk to my roommates (probably less than I should.  Sorry girls..).  All this to say... pity me pity me pity me.  My life is awful, yours can't possibly compare.  Everything is falling apart; the world is coming to an end.  Woe is me.  Can someone please hijack a shopping cart for me?  I may need it soon.

I have a lot on my mind.  And to you, concerned reader, I really hope that you understand my hyperbolic sarcasm.