There are times when I miss the sound of the El overhead. Days when I wish I would hear people speaking other languages. I miss cultural diversity and the beauty of one's story that comes along with it. A city full of creatively designed buildings, parks beautifully landscaped and a rich history to make it all come together. Chicago will always and forever hold a special place in my heart. I appreciate so much more the hustle and bustle of city life when I haven't been engulfed in it for the last two months.
But at this moment what I really miss are the small, locally-owned coffeeshops and their equally stellar lattes. Chains just don't make them the same. With lines out the door, they can't take the time to properly steam the milk so that the froth is poured properly and distributed throughout the drink. I just really like a good latte. And it's hard to find here.
I've been so encouraged by the other Bigs the last few days. I'm thankful for new friends here, and a God who doesn't waver.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
His strength.
David writes:
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord."
-Psalm 40:1-3
These words have been so much of an encouragement this last week.
Sometimes I think I'm not strong enough for a job like this one. Then I have to be reminded that my strength will always be insufficient on my own. It is God who pulls us up onto a rock. It is God who hears those cries of desperation. HE is the one who makes all things work.
Let us praise God for his goodness. :)
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord."
-Psalm 40:1-3
These words have been so much of an encouragement this last week.
Sometimes I think I'm not strong enough for a job like this one. Then I have to be reminded that my strength will always be insufficient on my own. It is God who pulls us up onto a rock. It is God who hears those cries of desperation. HE is the one who makes all things work.
Let us praise God for his goodness. :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
a glimpse.
Today I got an apology from a girl who was disrespectful to me yesterday.
A glimpse of beauty amidst the ashes :)
A glimpse of beauty amidst the ashes :)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
though i may break down.
Certain things frustrate me more than others. One thing on the really frustrating list is when I walk in the door, somebody saying, "Erin, take me downstairs!" Immediately followed by, "Erin, take me to the weight room!" Immediately followed by, "Take me to my room!"
Yes, these girls are required to have someone go with them to the weight room, and yes, somebody does have be downstairs for them to come down, and yes, some of the girls can't be in their room by themselves. But here's the thing: They don't ask. They demand it and expect you to comply immediately. There is a sense of entitlement that runs amok with these girls, and it is pretty much a part of our job description to comply. It has become a little frustrating - a LOT frustrating, actually.
I just wrote out several more stories about the girls, and then remembered the most important thing - Jesus. It is not my duty to share all the awful, discouraging things that happen here, no matter how interesting they are. It is more important to see the need for Jesus in each of the girls.
God often provides little glimpses of encouragement when we need them, doesn't He? Some of the girls have been so sweet, so wonderful in the midst of the chaos created by the rest of them. And one of the house directors pulled me aside last night to encourage me, too, and tell me what a good job I've been doing. Little glimpses of light amidst the darkness.
A friend encouraged me with this quote: "What God has revealed to you in the light, do not forget in the darkness." And isn't that the truth? Why does it become so easy to focus on the problem instead of on the One who can come into the problem and redeem it? To lose sight of the light when everything seems dark... We are such sad, sinful people.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:8
Yes, these girls are required to have someone go with them to the weight room, and yes, somebody does have be downstairs for them to come down, and yes, some of the girls can't be in their room by themselves. But here's the thing: They don't ask. They demand it and expect you to comply immediately. There is a sense of entitlement that runs amok with these girls, and it is pretty much a part of our job description to comply. It has become a little frustrating - a LOT frustrating, actually.
I just wrote out several more stories about the girls, and then remembered the most important thing - Jesus. It is not my duty to share all the awful, discouraging things that happen here, no matter how interesting they are. It is more important to see the need for Jesus in each of the girls.
God often provides little glimpses of encouragement when we need them, doesn't He? Some of the girls have been so sweet, so wonderful in the midst of the chaos created by the rest of them. And one of the house directors pulled me aside last night to encourage me, too, and tell me what a good job I've been doing. Little glimpses of light amidst the darkness.
A friend encouraged me with this quote: "What God has revealed to you in the light, do not forget in the darkness." And isn't that the truth? Why does it become so easy to focus on the problem instead of on the One who can come into the problem and redeem it? To lose sight of the light when everything seems dark... We are such sad, sinful people.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:8
Friday, March 18, 2011
i will not back down.
Last night I broke the handle of a mug of the girl who intimidates me the most. I was trying to care for her, to help her fall asleep by making her some chamomile and peppermint tea. I saw it as the opportunity I had been praying for, to get to know her a little bit better. And then I end up breaking her mug.
I was terrified of the response she may have, as she's been known to escalate quickly. She once spit all over another Big's things because she was mad at her. But I had been praying for a chance to see her softer side, to see who she was beneath the scary front she puts up. So when I walked back into the room, timid and fearful, and apologized, her response was calm, rational, even flippant, but thankful for the tea anyways.
Why had I not given her the benefit of the doubt? I mean, having a history of anger and violence does not guarantee that it will be the response in every situation, does it? There is a real person, a hurting person, beneath the hard exterior, and I intend to dig in. God has not given up on her, and neither will I. It's what I'm here for, and I will not back down from it.
-----
I appreciate my time off so much more when it doesn't happen every night. When we get three hours off in the afternoon and I'm able to go out to lunch with some of the other Bigs, it makes for a great release, a happy interlude to the day of chaos.
Granted, it is spring break right now, so the kids don't have school, which means they go to bed later, and we are with them all day long, planning activities and keeping tabs on their every move, making their meals and cleaning up after their meals, and, well, doing everything. They start school again on Tuesday, when the schedule will go back to normal. Then we will have time (though it be in class and at meals..) with the other Bigs.
I am assigned to night coverage starting this Tuesday night. It's the first real, assigned responsibility I've had so far, and I'm excited/nervous for it! All it means is checking the girls' rooms in my wing every 10 minutes to make sure they are in bed and make sure their reading lights are out 15 minutes after bedtime. Simple as it is, it means more contact with the girls. It means doing something that contributes to this place in a tangible way.
This week I finished my kitchen training (minus the observation shifts, to be scheduled over the next few weeks) and I did my van training, so I can now drive the Shelterwood vehicles so I can take girls on one-on-ones if I want to. Soo good. Wednesday is med training, where I learn how to properly dispense the medication that these girls take on a daily basis - another way to tangibly help out in the house.
Sigh. So much goes into doing this job. I aspire to be a lifelong learner, whether it be deepening the knowledge I already have, or learning about new things. I am thankful that I can learn so much here. :)
I was terrified of the response she may have, as she's been known to escalate quickly. She once spit all over another Big's things because she was mad at her. But I had been praying for a chance to see her softer side, to see who she was beneath the scary front she puts up. So when I walked back into the room, timid and fearful, and apologized, her response was calm, rational, even flippant, but thankful for the tea anyways.
Why had I not given her the benefit of the doubt? I mean, having a history of anger and violence does not guarantee that it will be the response in every situation, does it? There is a real person, a hurting person, beneath the hard exterior, and I intend to dig in. God has not given up on her, and neither will I. It's what I'm here for, and I will not back down from it.
-----
I appreciate my time off so much more when it doesn't happen every night. When we get three hours off in the afternoon and I'm able to go out to lunch with some of the other Bigs, it makes for a great release, a happy interlude to the day of chaos.
Granted, it is spring break right now, so the kids don't have school, which means they go to bed later, and we are with them all day long, planning activities and keeping tabs on their every move, making their meals and cleaning up after their meals, and, well, doing everything. They start school again on Tuesday, when the schedule will go back to normal. Then we will have time (though it be in class and at meals..) with the other Bigs.
I am assigned to night coverage starting this Tuesday night. It's the first real, assigned responsibility I've had so far, and I'm excited/nervous for it! All it means is checking the girls' rooms in my wing every 10 minutes to make sure they are in bed and make sure their reading lights are out 15 minutes after bedtime. Simple as it is, it means more contact with the girls. It means doing something that contributes to this place in a tangible way.
This week I finished my kitchen training (minus the observation shifts, to be scheduled over the next few weeks) and I did my van training, so I can now drive the Shelterwood vehicles so I can take girls on one-on-ones if I want to. Soo good. Wednesday is med training, where I learn how to properly dispense the medication that these girls take on a daily basis - another way to tangibly help out in the house.
Sigh. So much goes into doing this job. I aspire to be a lifelong learner, whether it be deepening the knowledge I already have, or learning about new things. I am thankful that I can learn so much here. :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
giving up.
We give up on people far faster than God does, don't we?
There have been several people in my life about whom I had basically thought, "She is a hopeless cause. A mess, really. God wouldn't want to deal with them, either." Now, that thought may not have been iterated so concisely nor blatantly, and certainly not verbally, but it was still there, whether I acknowledged it or not. God, on the other hand, had different plans. Over the last few years, God has blown my mind with the people He has drawn to himself and I am in awe.
When my family moved into the house they live in now, we had some of the worst luck with neighbors. A couple of the kids were so mean and awful and to my little sister that she would come home crying. She would sometimes hide when they came to the door so that she didn't have to go out and play with them. Another neighbor went off and on like that. She was sometimes nice to Kristen, and sometimes mean. Sometimes manipulative, sometimes caring.
Kristen spent hours upon hours praying for this girl - for the last eight years! Kristen never gave up hope; Kristen never let those mean words prevent her from praying that this girl would come to know the Lord.
On Wednesday night, she made a decision to follow Jesus! Praise God!
God had not given up on her. Kristen hadn't given up on God. But we gave up on it. Why do we give up hope? Why do we doubt the goodness of God and His ability to save people? He pulls us out of the pit. He makes us clean. He redeems us. No matter how entrenched we are in the mire.
It makes me think of the girls here. One, in particular, scares me. She blew up at me the first night I was here and I've been intimidated ever since. She says she's an atheist and she says she's bisexual, which makes the intimidation all the more intense. But who am I to give up on her? To (ashamedly) hope that she gets pulled from the program?
Lord, help me to see people with your eyes and with your heart - to know that you are capable of doing far more than we ask or imagine, hope or think. You are God, worthy of all our praise.
-----
Today I bought Prayers for a Privileged People by Walter Brueggemann. I am so excited to start going through it!
There have been several people in my life about whom I had basically thought, "She is a hopeless cause. A mess, really. God wouldn't want to deal with them, either." Now, that thought may not have been iterated so concisely nor blatantly, and certainly not verbally, but it was still there, whether I acknowledged it or not. God, on the other hand, had different plans. Over the last few years, God has blown my mind with the people He has drawn to himself and I am in awe.
When my family moved into the house they live in now, we had some of the worst luck with neighbors. A couple of the kids were so mean and awful and to my little sister that she would come home crying. She would sometimes hide when they came to the door so that she didn't have to go out and play with them. Another neighbor went off and on like that. She was sometimes nice to Kristen, and sometimes mean. Sometimes manipulative, sometimes caring.
Kristen spent hours upon hours praying for this girl - for the last eight years! Kristen never gave up hope; Kristen never let those mean words prevent her from praying that this girl would come to know the Lord.
On Wednesday night, she made a decision to follow Jesus! Praise God!
God had not given up on her. Kristen hadn't given up on God. But we gave up on it. Why do we give up hope? Why do we doubt the goodness of God and His ability to save people? He pulls us out of the pit. He makes us clean. He redeems us. No matter how entrenched we are in the mire.
It makes me think of the girls here. One, in particular, scares me. She blew up at me the first night I was here and I've been intimidated ever since. She says she's an atheist and she says she's bisexual, which makes the intimidation all the more intense. But who am I to give up on her? To (ashamedly) hope that she gets pulled from the program?
Lord, help me to see people with your eyes and with your heart - to know that you are capable of doing far more than we ask or imagine, hope or think. You are God, worthy of all our praise.
-----
Today I bought Prayers for a Privileged People by Walter Brueggemann. I am so excited to start going through it!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
enjoy every day.
Looking back at some old posts was encouraging tonight. I was reminded of some important truths that I had learned and subsequently forgot.
In one post in particular, back in January, I wrote:
Let this be a reminder for today, and for every day.
In one post in particular, back in January, I wrote:
"While 2011 will certainly include another transition, another move, more new people in a new city, I hope to truly enjoy my time there instead of anticipating what's next.
This is my challenge: Find something to enjoy about every day - use excitement for the future to enjoy life now. Each day is a beautiful gift from the Lord; let us not forget we are given life in abundance."
Let this be a reminder for today, and for every day.
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